Religious Question

So, let's assume you believe in the Bible. First off, why do you pick and choose what to follow and abide by when it is supposed to be the word of God? For instance, most folks in modern Christian society don't stone adulterers, and they allow their women to teach in the classroom, and allow them to walk around without their heads covered. But, there are tons of folks out there who stick to their guns about homosexuality.

Second, and my main question - let's say you believe in heaven and hell. I personally think that is extremely wishful thinking. I wish it was true, but it seems way to unfathomable in my mind. OK, so you believe in it. You die and you are my brother or sister, and you ascend into heaven. You're having an amazing time up there next to God and other family members, but Brother Andrew is missing. He became an atheist and ended up burning in hell for eternity. Does God simply erase your mind that I ever existed? If heaven is love, then wouldn't you want to experience the love of your relatives in that place? If I was absent it would seem to damper the spirit of the place if you knew that I was being tortured by Satan for eternity. I know that if I was on an amazing vacation in New Zealand, and I was hiking, and enjoying the scenery, soaking up nature, and having the time of my life. then suddenly I happened to hear that my brother was just captured by Mexican drug cartel, and was being tortured slowly, then it would put a giant damper on my vacation.

I could go on and on about the theory of heaven and hell, but I'll save that for another day. It seems to me that a God who wants to be worshiped so much that he's willing to torture someone for eternity for not paying attention to him seems maniacal. What if that person was the kindest, most altruistic, loving, and compassionate person on the planet, but just so happened to not believe that there was a walking God among us? That person deserves hell, but the a-hole that killed 10 children, then repented and became a born-again Christian later in life gets to enter the pearly gates?

Thanks, but no thanks.